Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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