There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Found the puke drawer
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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