Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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