Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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