Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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