you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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