i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
