My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
