He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
