I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize