I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize