Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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