woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
