your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
