u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
