white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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