I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
