I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
