so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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