Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
