I will die if light touches me.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
