it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
