I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
...so i touched it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
