I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
bring money and cleavage
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
