just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
