Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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