The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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