So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
