Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize