i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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