tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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