I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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