Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
