well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
