My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
