capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
