And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
