You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
