My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize