what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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