you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
