Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
