OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
