Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
