Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
