so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
