i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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