Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
