it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize