Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
