Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
well most of my day revolves around power hour
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
