I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
