Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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