I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
