okay pat passed out under dana's car
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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