They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
