Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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