I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize