you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize