I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
