I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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