I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
