I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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