non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
A bitchslap is in order.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize