making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
