We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
