mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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