yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
