I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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