I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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