It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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