dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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