You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize