i permit you to call me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
