No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
