Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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