Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
