fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
