It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Boobs are out for the taking
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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