someone owes me an orgasm
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
