Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
