I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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