Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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