You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
