he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
