what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
