So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
