They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
