I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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