Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
