Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
