Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
