Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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